Psychological Effects on American Muslims: coping with the emotions

As an American Muslim of Middle Eastern decent, I have grown up in America a victim of stereotypes, as a child, my Mom was attacked out side a grocery store by a man yelling "it's your fault", he grabbed her and shook her with rage in his face. This was in the early 80's, perhaps in reference to the Iran incident, as a teenager, growing up I quickly realized that I was neither white nor black, I was some where in the middle, some rare group that could fit in with either side or be excluded from both.

In my early twenties, after the first World Trade center bombing, being called a terrorist was as common as being called by my name, jokingly of course, until I realized through my experiences that it was not a joke.  My professors treated me differently than the rest of the class, at times gave me looks of fury, simply for being a Muslim.   I was very naive and was not aware of the surrounding hateful world.

I received several wake up calls that brought me out of my childish stupor.   When I walked into a bathroom , I saw graffiti on the wall pointing to the urinal stating "Arab drinking hole".  It dawned on me that being called a terrorist was not funny any more.  Being the light hearted person that I was, I went about my regular duties as a regular college student, not registering any complaints and not seeking the defamers.

Unable to find work, which I attributed to my ethnicity, I immaturely joined the US Army during the Gulf war, thinking it was the right thing to do, there my new nick name was "Saddam", there I looked hate directly in the eyes.  My training sergeant also singled me out for his fury, and one day, took me privately into his office, ordering me to do push ups and sit ups in a rushed manner, then ordered me to stand up, I was crying at this time, he kept insisting that I looked him in the eyes while I cried, then he told me "we just burned a bunch of -your kind- in the Middle East", my shock and appall at such a statement caused my tears to dry, at that point, I became a man, a Muslim man, an American Muslim man, I now realized that people were willing to kill -my kind- and gloat about it.

The experiences in the Army were disturbing, but after I got out of boot camp, the Gulf war was over and I returned to society as a part time national guard, still being called "Sadam" in the 3 years I served as a part time US Soldier.  I coped and studied. Studied more about the media, stereotypes, and their effects.  I felt as if I discovered a secret, Hitler used the media to stereotype Jews as Christ killers, hence received little resistance when he exterminated 6 million Jews.  Then I looked around at the world we lived in and realized the same thing was happening to Muslims, the Muslims were in a Holocaust, from Bosnia to Iraq to Palestine to Chechnia, Muslims were being killed and oppressed everywhere with no one in the US caring.

In my mid twenties, my love for Islam and Muslims was stronger than ever, I was in a sea of unity and tranquillity with my fellow Muslim brothers and Muslim sisters world wide, being Muslim gave me the purpose and sense of being that I was missing my entire life. Having witnessed first hand the hateful ignorance  most people in my life have towards Islam, I naturally began to spend hours and hours devoting my time to dispel the myth of Muslims being "anti-Christ's" (another term I frequently heard) and the myth that most Muslims are terrorists.  My life experiences radicalized me, not in the violent sense, instead in the peaceful sense, I knew for a fact from research and observation, that if I decreased the hate towards Islam through knowledge and comparing our similarities and dispelling the myths, then less Muslims would suffer and die.

Then the horrible attack on America happened 9-11-01, and we were compared to the Japanese who attacked Pearl Harbor whom were deported and nuked, at this time, I feel as they must have felt, as the most hated living thing, I feel as the African Americans must have felt in the 40's living in the US.  Now I feel hateful piercing glances as never felt before, I feel I can not smile in public otherwise be labeled as a happy Arab at the US tragedy, on top of the sad loss of innocent lives, what feels like half my life's work to separate the word "terrorist" from "Muslim" has been shattered, I feel that the name calling and finger pointing and the raw ignorant hate towards Islam, Muslims, and Arabs is now boiling hot, and as the unfortunate victims tell their endless stories, and as the media says "An Arab...", or "of Middle Easter decent", or "from the Islamic group..", one is left with a feeling of despair towards everyone and everything.

The non-Arab Americans feel sorry for the victims, we feel sorry for the victims and the upcoming innocent victims that will also die because they are from a certain country and because they follow a certain religion, mine.

At first I felt too weakened with depression, now I have this nauseous feeling, seeing a huge ball set rolling that doesn't appear to be stopping, do you know how it feels to say your name, then hold your breath? Not knowing how the people will react once you've introduced yourself, there is a uncomfortable pause, thick with thought, what are they thinking you wonder? then they awkwardly repeat your name trying to hold their composer.

The goal now is survival, a dark cloud of suspicion and hate encircles me, the solution is to focus on the future, to step out of this black hole in US history and to help the victims, present and future.

If the Jews spoke out against the Nazi Regime and spoke to the world before the Holocaust, could it have been prevented? That is a question we are about to find out.

Peace